oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
