And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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