This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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