ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
