Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
