On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
