YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
