Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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