My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
