My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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