Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
