Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The adults are the big ones right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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