I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
