i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
