I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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