Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
