he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's official drugs can't kill me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
