I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Drake has all the answers
i out mim tonsoeep
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
