just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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