You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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