a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
