Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We are all done wearing pants today
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
