The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
