Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
