i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pants are for mortals
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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