Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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