Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
