found the other keg... it's in the tree
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
