Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
