His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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