If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
