covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
did i walk over a car last night?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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