We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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