I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
