Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
