Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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