I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
