Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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