listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize