I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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