Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
