just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
