oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
