Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
