The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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