They should really pass out barf bags in church
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
