I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
please don't ironically join a cult
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