he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
