My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
