she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
