Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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