I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
