I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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