It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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