we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
