At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
