If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize