I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
