So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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