I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
