WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
