You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
