thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
