Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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