i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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