you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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