I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
