I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
