oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
