Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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