My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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