Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
