Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
