I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
